It is said that only three people understand the UK Rail System following its privatisation. One is dead; the second is in an asylum and the third is Lord Major, and he has forgotten. It is so complicated it makes the Schleswig-Holstein Question look like 3 down in The Sun crossword.
A main player in this farrago of misery, inefficiency and outrageous expenditure is Virgin Rail. The livery of a Virgin train appears to be based on acne, red and yellow, and it has certainly been a blight on the face of travel through the centre of England. Anyone who has ever taken the 7am train from Newcastle to Bristol – six hours with no seat and only one working toilet between about 9000 passengers – has my sympathy. Foist those conditions on a bunch of captured terrorists and you’d have the Human Rights Commission on you faster than a rail porter running from a trolley full of my wife’s weekend luggage.
Now the good news, Virgin have lost the franchise! Hooray, peace is restored to the land! But wait, what is the name of our liberator? Arriva! Nooooo! As in, you will never Arriva. God help me, I never thought I would beg for this, but please, Mr Brown, bring back British Rail. I will never make a joke about their sandwiches ever again.
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My old back garden
Where current affairs, culture, history and nice horseys are discussed in a balanced and serious manner.
Kolkhoz
My old back garden
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About Me
- Kolkhoz
- My complete aristocratic title is unimportant. All you need to know is that I was once an international playboy, but for reasons too complicated to go into, I lost my fortune and now work for The Persuadertron, a mysterious organisation dedicated to serving justice on criminals and spies believed to be above the law. The wages are lousy, but the job makes best use of my skills as a fencer, showjumper, racing driver and - dare I say - lady's man (you know it baby, I've got my own teeth and everything). If you too are an ex-jet setter, acrobat, cat burglar etc now in the crime solving business, why not drop me a line? We'll take down a few Euro-crims together...
2 comments:
Virgin on the ridiculous? And you would prefer British Snail? I always remember you at your happiest disposing of criminal filth atop a high speeding train. I'll never forget that 10-minute, train roof, punch-up you had with that Special Ops bloke turned renegade. Never understood why you didn't just shoot him in the first two seconds of your disagreement ...
I needed a breath of fresh air after putting away a particularly grim cheese sandwich.
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